I take slight offense to the whole idea of “left handed compliments.” To my understanding, a left handed compliment is praising someone by pointing out a negative. Being a proud lefty, I think we get enough negative with studies advertising shorter life spans, depression and an inability to use scissors as our press coverage. The only reason you might want to be a lefty (as if there was a choice or anything) is for the supposed creativity we seem to be able to tap into with our right brain being the engaged area when we hold the pen. I guess these days, everyone is typing and it’s almost a moot point. Then again, most of the letters needed for typing our beatific English language are punched in by our left hand. Honestly I’ve always been a bit ambidextrous anyway. I write and eat with my left hand, but I play sports with a right-hander’s approach. Sometimes I would request a left-handed desk during a standardized test just to feel special, but other than a lifelong resentment towards scissors, I really haven’t felt the effects of left handed life dragging me into a spiral of depression or an early grave.
That being said, my left-handed compliment is thus. For a middle-class white girl, I think I’m pretty flexible. I’m visiting my parents today, and am waiting for them to get back from the grocery store. I figured I’d get my blogging out of the way, but there’s not a single coffee shop on the side of town where my parents live. In the interest of being one to roll with change and try new experiences, I decided to come blog at a fast food restaurant that offers the free wi-fi and has a coffee bar…of sorts. This chain plays very fast and loose with the term “iced coffee.” I asked for an unsweetened iced coffee and I essentially got a sweetened cup of milk. I usually drink my coffee black and so this small cup of beige liquid is like a dessert to me. Also, I’m pretty sure there’s aspertane in their syrups because my hands are currently breaking out in a red, hot rash. The allergies don’t lie, people. This coffee is sweetened, and artificially. My flexibility as a white girl only goes so far.
Yet, I will say one thing for this place of the free wi-fi. They’ve got a more satisfying food selection than the quirky corporate coffee shop I usually hit up. All that really translates into is french fries, but the power of potatoes is not to be scoffed at. I do think people here at the fast food eatery are a little weirded out by my presence though. The coffee shop is an obvious place to see laptops out and students type type typing away. But it seems like a conspiracy of sorts to see someone doing that here. Any hipster worth their salt wouldn’t be seen dead in this place, but this is where the real people are. There’s a man with football themed orange slippers at the register. There’s another guy in a camo jacked and a Duck Dynasty beard having dinner with his daughter. The cashier here is pregnant. The baristas at my normal haunt are immune to this ailment I think. I can’t imagine them growing a human. My poor hand is getting redder and redder as I drink this coffee, but I’m a little apprehensive about returning to get it remade. Things like that just aren’t done here. I know the rules of food service, and I think a sweetened coffee that gives my hands a little break out is better than eye rolls and a spit laced cup.
I haven’t spoken to Lanks in days, and I think this time it’s finally over. In so many ways, I’ve been saying well I’m done since the whole thing began. Things should be easy and flow, and this has been more of an attempt at mind-reading and anine gameplay than anything else. Besides, the sooner I sweep away someone who mistreats me, the sooner I am opening the door for a genuinely sweet person who actually cares about me and what I’m trying to accomplish to come crashing through the scenery. Feel free to crash in anytime, whomever you are. I do have a gate crasher to talk about, but he’s not exactly available if you know what I mean.
It’s because I met him in a dream. That’s right, dream diary strikes again! And you thought you’d heard the last of my unconscious! The first dream was kind of scary and interesting all at the same time. Last night, I kept feeling the urge to brush my teeth even though I had already done so. So when I dreamed, I dreamed I was pulling out my teeth that were loose in my mouth. As I pulled them out, the underside of the teeth were filled with the missing earring backs that I had lost off of earrings over the years. There was also a ring with an amber stone inside one of the hollow undersides of the tooth I pulled out.
This is a hard one for me to interpret or make connections to. I suppose the teeth are something that is a part of me, and important thing as well since I’ve had braces and my parents have stressed oral care for years with their dental tech backgrounds. Losing these would be traumatic, as traumatic as losing any part of my self. But in the losing of this part of self, I discovered something I was missing and constantly losing (the earring backs) and also something new and beautiful (the ring). I think this represents my struggle to deal with my changing life in losing the life I have known, but finding something that is more of my own.
The second dream was set in a shopping mall that led directly out onto a sandy beach. I was there with this sandy-haired beach bum character. I think we must have been romantically linked because we kept talking about how we’d like to kiss each other but it seemed like such an inconvenience to the other and so we were afraid to ask the other. So this guy, whoever he was, decided to lose the swim trunks and go for a swim. He strips and then starts running towards the ocean but the mall gate is closing between the store beach and the ocean. Blackbirds are trying to stream through the gate as it is closing. Fade to black.
This one is even harder to explain. Yes, the mall is my prison at times, trapping me from the water I so identify with and enjoy. Water equals life. The mall during the holidays closes this gate and leaves me on a sandy (desert) plain with a naked man (?) I can see the kiss and inconvenience thing because I felt like I was always tip-toeing and asking for permission for any affection from Lanks. Nakedness could be insecurity again, but I don’t think so. I was kind of disturbed by this flagrant nakedness of another in this instance and was glad when it ran away from me. Maybe I am secretly glad that Lanks is moving away from me just when he’s starting to let me in about the condition or feelings he may or may not have. Also, the birds…an ominous thing slipping through the gate that’s also protecting me from deep water. Interesting.
After these dreams, my mind was buzzing and so I was up for an hour. And strangely hungry. I got a piece of cheese and all was well.
I am off tomorrow so expect more blog. I’m making a heroic venture to the DMV to get a new tag and I’ll need coffee at some point, but no more fast food substitutes. There will be some hang time with momma so maybe I’ll have an anecdote there. Also, maybe a nice boy will admit he’s had a secret crush on me for a year. Who knows….who knows.